Bye Bye, Black Bird.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?

They met in the club. He offered her a drink and she wanted a dance instead. So, he obliged and dance as much as he knows how to. They danced happily to 'Black Bird', there was a connection between them. But when he asked her to wait just a while outside of the club, she flagged for a cab and went off. He went searching for her. Few days later, he found her at her workplace, pursued all the way to get her and made her follow him for the REST OF HER LIFE. He knew what he wanted and all he ever wanted in life is her, his most loved. They went on a sweet journey before he got caught. Even in the prison, he thinks of her and all he had in mind was to protect his baby and take care of her for the rest of her life. Deep in both their hearts, they knew who they want to be with for the rest of their lives. He broke outta prison with his wits and went all out to get her back to his side. He finally did, a hug in the car and off they went to their world, that only consists of them both. She lied in his arms and never want to sleep because she cherished every single moment w him. He promised her to bring her to somewhere far, where there is no one, and its just them and maybe a family to start. She smiled. Before they know it, she was caught by the police as custody to get him. She was badly tortured by one of the policeman who didnt have the guts to face her baby. He was thinking hard, finding ways to get his baby out but his baby wrote him a letter saying to let her go, its just two years and she will come back to him. He contemplated. But in the end.... he said 'Bye bye, Black Bird'. He was shot right in his head.

He robbed the banks like nobody's business together with his partners-in-crime. He was known for his record-breaking of 1min 40secs flat to rob a bank without getting caught. He outwitted the FBI. He was never caught and even if he gets caught, he somehow manages to break outta prison all by himself. Thats how intelligent he is. He lives by this principle of never letting his loved ones down, yes including his baby. He never ever thought of letting down of his buddies, he lives to protect them, to take care of them. And when his buddy said 'Let me go, I am dying anyway.. you need to learn to let go.. let go of me...' he was speechless................. his baby said that to him too.... what to do? He is caught in a dilemma, to stick with his principles or to let go... and after a long struggle, he let go........ he knew when the policeman was about to shoot him in his head.. yet he didnt retaliate because.. he understood.. let go...'Bye Bye, Black Bird'

Sahirah sat w me... Zhiyi fell sick and got 7 days of MC.. Theres a bikini party thats happening this Sat which I cant go... Amazingly i got an A for HRD... I have two projects due end of this week which I hve not done ANYTHING.. Benjamin text me but he is just an exhcange student from Paris... Saw Cindy for the first time after two months.. IPP starts in one month's time.. Mabel's bday is on Sat.. Saw liz and hugged her real tight... ZQ is letting me try the atas chocolate cake on friday.. Exams is in three weeks.. Meeting Jill tmr.. Was blessed ytd..

I just want to say... Bye Bye Black Bird..

fighting back.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

Jesus, please please............ =(

Finally got to catch up w Dale n PP !!! Maybe thats the ONLY thing that perk me up so far for the past few weeks... Was sharing w Dale alot alot alot of things... til i teared.. GAHHHH.. I needed someone to listen to me and not keep telling me what I should do.. and guess Dale fulfilled that role.. Just having him sitting down w me and listening to me... someone that's nt in the picture at all.. someone that doesnt question me... someone to finally smile at me w that assurance... GAHHH..... and no, i dont feel good still.. i dont... but im still glad cos Dale was the only one that really just listened.. nothing else but listened.....

Oh, did i mention.. i am soo glad I am not involved with a despo! He btr lay off from my friends...

....... i am speechless .... i told ZQ i needed to blog it out, but when i actually come in here.. idk what to say.. CRAP... theres alot running through my mind.. alot... but i just cant seem to pt them into words.. but i really need to get them out... even sitting in His presence still leaves me speechless.... all I can do is sit down and sit down and... and... and ... sometimes I dont even want to sit in His Presence because I am afraid what He is going to tell me... :( it becomes reallllly miserable that I have to choose who can i rant out to and who i cannot.... really miserable... feels like my life became so transparent to everyone that I have to watch every single thing I do.. every single word I say.. AHHHHH.. I dont like this.. I really dont...

I am not like him.. he says anything he wants.. thats him... not me... I cant do that.. I dont hve the ability to do that anyway.. think the useless one is me.. if i am really to blame, i will only blame my own mischief and nothing else... its more than wanting to win.... honestly, i dont really care if i win or lose... more like even if i lose, i dont care... i really dont.. I shared w Ps Cat.. its the fear of being a hinder to them when I stand up there, or when I play... the fact of the position I am in.. I shouldnt retaliate... Say I am useless but yea.. I hve fallen... in the trap of letting it eating into me... so much so I just sink in it and dont bother to come outta it.. I am DONE pretending tt I am ok.. cos I am not... i am paralysed by it.. ZQ talked to me in the afternoon..... i sat at school's maccas... talked to him... he reminded me again not to let it eat into me... and I am trying really hard not to.... geez.... its been like.. errr... a month... the entire month, its been eating me up.. sucks ahhh...

I tried making it up... and i got tired... and i gave up... nothing i do is ever enough.. thats why i stopped... and i guess I've lost it.. I've lost a friend and Im not sure if I ever want it back again..... I am not heartless.... I just cant cope with it....

I cannot help but to feel I am responsible for it........ feels like no amount of sorry will help.... because all i get it is.. 'i will get over it' but if its true that you will get over it.. then you wouldnt sit there and cry alrdy.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boooo

Ahhh, i can really rant on and on here.. but guess wad.......... i dont want to rant anymore... and dont ask me anything anymore... dont tell me wad to do anymore... not tt I dont appreciate..its just.... that last thing I wan right now is having anyone coming to me telling me what I ought to do.. so.. please dont ask why, what and how..... if there's anything u can do.... give me a hug or lend me your shoulders.....

Jesus, please... help me.....

serene

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Verdict of Mr Snail: Met us and took a ride of his life from ground, lifted up onto our fingers, took a train ride and finally died when he reached Great World City..

Projects after projects, report writings after report writings, presentations after presentation, homework after homework, lectures after lectures, tutorials after tutorials.. talk about school challenges... but its true that I always amazingly get through all these.. i just marvel sometimes..

Its crazy, even right now as I type.. everything within me wants to retaliate back.. everything within me wants an eye for an eye.. but my mind is still sane to fight and recognise that do unto others what I want others to do unto me.. still.. everything within me wants to get back.. really... I am pissed.. I am angry.. I am annoyed.. and again, everything within me wants to retaliate back... arghhh... I wanted to type one whole chunk of words to retaliate on my blog.. but no.. I didnt.. arghhh... Jesus.....

Time and time again, I found myself caught up w everything.. everyone.. time and time again, I need to get to where my source of strength is... and now.. I've stil yet to get to my place of serenity to just keep quiet... and keep quiet.. sometimes, its good to be quiet after all the rantings.. shhh.. nothing else except Jesus and Shuai... I've been wanting to linger in His presence... but I always get pulled out by all sorts of distractions... I really want to linger in His presence.. soak in His presence for a real long time... a long time...

and yes.. I think I need to find Aunty Jean soon.. real soon...

August is coming... with all honesty, I don't want August to come.. Can time just stop right here.. please... I don't want August to come.. really don't want... arghhhh.. sucks luh...

I need my place of serenity...............

Thanks boon liat. (:

ugliness of mankind.

First things first, BLESSED BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST CASSANDRA!! (: Called her earlier and she got soo shocked to get my call!! (: Soooo glad to hear her voice after 4 months!! (: My bestfriend.... Love her to bits! (:

Even tho I may not agree to certain things.. but I cannot deny Cindy n PP were ALWAYS there when Im down.. other than God of course (: Shuai now knows who is worth her time and who is not..

Taking baby steps towards it...

Hated the way you asked.. really hated it... Inner thoughts should be asked w all sincerity and not that way.. ARGH!

Shuai seen the ugliness of mankind.. and cannot accept it.. really.. utterly disappointed luh...

let out.

Guess that was what i really needed... I could no longer verbalise my feelings and thoughts... instead a good cry infront of Him did help... that prayer.. the hugs.. the text of love and concern.. a pat of my head.. and that Word from above.. The entire afternoon, that Word kept on ringing in my head.... and it still is...

I coud have focused on all the mistakes made during Worship.. but i chose to look at only one thing, that is the presence of God.. Seeing Ps Peter stepped into the youth room definitely freaked me out.. but all i asked for was His presence.. and indeed.. (: and truely, its not how well my band is.. not how well we can sing.. its the anointing and how we as a team lead the people INTO His presence... I am SOO PROUDDD of all of my musicians that day! Esp the practice.. thank God for Sam.. stepping up and helping me (: To me... and to Daddy King.. YOU ALL WERE AWESOME!! (:

Its funny how Derek, Min, Benson, Max and I were wearing similiar color shirt!! (: Esp min and mine! so alike!!!! (:

I know I've got loads to work on...

second week.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

A crowd was standing along the walkway of Vivocity because there were some hindi show filming... they were so engrossed into watching the filming that they forgot this is a shopping centre with other people who arent interested in watching but shopping...

Some wishes that Singapore gets into red alert while some prays so hard for God's hand to be upon Singapore...

Its already two weeks into Year 3.. some still can't be bothered whether they will graduate while some are slogging their backsides off to achieve a GPA of 3.6 for university entry..

Some are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and still complain about how miserable they are just because they feel like they didnt have enough of certain wants while some are born to work their backsides off to support themselves and/or family just to get pass life...

Some passed their driving theory tests just once and passed while some needs three to four times of re-taking to pass...

now.. whats next...?

I wonder if gummy bears could win chocolate muffin and drumsticks.. chocolate muffin is sweet and tasty but it is not easy to find good ones.. drumsticks taste the best when it is deep fried but it is unhealthy.. how about gummy bears? Well, gummy bears are chewy, colorful and sweet but too much of it, Mr. Diabeties might come knocking at your door.. So, chocolate muffin, drumsticks or gummy bears?

Shuai is convinced, fully convinced that she is LOVED! by many many many people.. God-sent! Those text msgs, the offer, the care and concern, the msn chats.... thank you all!! (: Thank GOD!! (: tmr I am meeting Min and Jane for lunch.. Meeting Aunty Jean in the evening.. sounds like a fruitful day to me!

In the midst of studies, dealing with Swine flu, friends w r/s problems, ministries, all the conflicts in school and the war at home... Shuai will still choose to praise Her Creator.. and offer this broken life to Him.. Shuai says.. 'Take it Lord.. all I have is this undivided heart for You.. make me assuredly Yours..' (: Shuai is smiling at the roaring storm raging at her... because she knows... He is BIGGER than anything! (:

So.. gummy bears perhaps? but i kinda miss chocolate muffin.. yet drumsticks is always there... *wonders*

marina barrage

For some reasons, Marina Barrage seems to be a place for chats... for heart to heart talks... and now, its my favourite place to chill out.. :) Was there last night w PP and Cindy after Henderson Waves shut its lights.. :)) they talked their hearts out.. and I am glad I can be there just to be a listener :) Suddenly I remembered last week I was there too... and it was indeed a release... :))

Min text me this morning!! :) SO , we went to Ikea!! *punches fist in air* yes! Sooo... went to church and drove down!!! Had dinner there, FREEE AGAIN!! *feels loved n blessed* Meatballs, chicken wings plus awesome friends!! :)) They spent two hours w me, just to help me finish up my lil Tampui corner!! :)) Really thank God for them!! :)) It was a fruitful trip!!!

I finally went to eat the ice cream that was in the fridge since who knows when.. after a few mouth, i realised... i didnt like it.. and i know i will never ever like it... so i threw it away.. And i never want to eat that flavour again... Afterall, it isn't my cup of tea... and it NEVER will...

Shuai still prefers to be that apple pie crumble... surely...

Shuai is glad to receive an email from Cass :) it was a pleasant surprise!

Putting others down doesnt mean superiority over them.. It only shows how loser one is that he/she hafta put others down to make themselves feel better.. its a thin line between having high self esteem and being over arrogant.. seriously...

This week of holiday was really AWESOMEEE!! Cannot deny Wed night was THE HIGHLIGHT! =) ahhhh..... *gets lost in what happened* its really a night that ill remember FOREVER.... :D :D

n so.. Im signing off....